How to pray for a friend who is ill, when you don’t know what to say

When a friend gets bad news about their health, most of us want to do something. Often the first thing we can do is pray. But it is easy to freeze, both in what we say to God and in what we say to them.

You don’t need the perfect words. Here is a simple way to pray for a friend who is ill, and to let them know they are being held.

Start honestly

You don’t have to sound confident or polished. The Bible is full of people telling God exactly how they feel. If you are frightened for your friend, say so. If you are angry that this is happening, say that too.

Paul admits that “we don’t know how to pray as we ought” and promises that the Spirit “makes intercession for us with groanings which can’t be uttered” (Romans 8:26, WEB). On the days when you have no words, that is enough.

Pray for what they actually need

It helps to pray for specific things. Ask your friend, or someone close to them, what would help. Then pray for those things by name. A few to start with:

• Healing. Ask plainly. Scripture invites us to: “Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the assembly, and let them pray over him” (James 5:14, WEB).
• The people treating them. Their doctors, nurses and carers, for wisdom, skill and kindness.
• Rest. Hospitals are noisy and treatment is exhausting. Pray for sleep.
• Courage for the next appointment. Waiting for results can be worse than the results themselves.
• Their family. The people at the bedside need prayer too.
• Peace. Not that they would pretend to be fine, but that they would know they aren’t alone.

A prayer you can use

Lord Jesus, you healed the sick and you sat with those who were suffering. Be with [name] today. Bring healing to their body. Give wisdom to everyone caring for them. Give them rest tonight and courage for tomorrow. Let them know they are not alone, and that you are near. Amen.

What to say to them

Telling someone you are praying for them can be a real gift, as long as it stays about them.

• Keep it short: “Praying for you today, especially for the scan on Thursday.”
• Don’t attach advice, explanations or stories about someone else’s illness.
• Don’t wait for a reply. Make it clear they don’t need to answer.
• If they aren’t a person of faith, ask first: “Would it be all right if I prayed for you?” Most people say yes, and the asking is itself an act of care.

Keep praying after the first week

The hardest part of a long illness is often week six, not week one. The flowers stop. The messages dry up. That is when steady prayer, and a steady friend, matter most.

• Put a reminder somewhere you will see it every day.
• Pray at the same moment each day, such as after breakfast or on the way home.
• Every week or so, let them know you are still praying.

In Prayershake you can add your friend as a request and keep it in front of you every day. When you pray, they get a gentle note that someone held them today. If they aren’t on the app, you can text them a link to a page that quietly fills in each day you pray. On a hard day in a hospital bed, that can be the thing that gets them through the afternoon.